Sunday, April 4, 2010

Finding Love in July.....

One of the best feelings in the world is finding out your own definition of what love is. One of the worst feelings in the world is having love and then loosing it. I speak from personal expirience. This July will be 6 years since i met my first love, since then i have dated others yes and learned and incredible amount but to this day i have not loved as strong i did nearly 6 years ago. Ive written blog after blog about tips on relationships, being confused and in between, loving long distances, but i have never told the story of how i met my first love..........until now.

It was the most gorgeous summer afternoon, i remember the wind blowing very gently just enough to keep you cool :). I was 17 at the hair salon with my mom and boy was she taking FOREVER to finish so being that i was already done i decided to call up a good friend of mine, Jonathan :) and ask could he come and pick me up, which he did i walked outside to his car and got in. When i let down his mirror to look at my hair i noticed someone in the backseat. "Brandy meet my friend Jarvis" he said, I turned around and found my self starring at him, how rude of me. But if u could call any moment in time love at first sight that would be it because i just could'nt bring my self to speak, finally after seriously creeping him out i managed to say "hi" :) lol. After creeping him out badly we went on to pick up my bestest fwiend! yea i said it fwiend! Kida G! we kinda just hung out for a while that day, a day ill never forget. Well time passed on and around august we had our first date :) i remember he pulled up in a green car (a pontiac i believe) and he beeped his horn, my mom was so mad that he didnt come in i couldnt leave until he did so that day he met my mom. To this day i beleive thats the only time she had ever been mad at Jarvis lol. You know how most first dates you dress to umm whats the word?....impress!! lol not the case with him he had on i believe a gray shirt and some khakis with oil stains all over them lol he said they were his work pants, it was okay thought i was just happy to be with him. Well we went to the movies in chester to see the wackest movie ever made "The Village".....boooo 3 thumbs down! i actually thought he didnt like me very much he never tried to hold my hand and he barely spoke to me at all :( after the movie was over we went next door to target where he bought the most annoying cd ever made, member that regae song "turn me on" by: Kevin Lyttle? omg Jarvis played this damn cd the whole ride home!! might i add that his air conditioner in the car was a small little black fan on the dash board hehe. Well that was my first date with him, and i didnt see him again until around december, i dont blame him thought there was a pretty bad flood in richmond where he lived and his car was messed up, on top of that he was working 2 jobs @ kings dominion and UPS, i would get so excited when he called my little nokia phone :) and he did, very often. In December we went on another date to see "Blade 3" and that night he asked me to be his girlfriend, December 19th, 2004. Of course i said yes. And that was the way it started, how i fell in love. I think honestly i loved that boy from the time i laid eyes on him but I remeber Jarvis saying he wanted to wait until something burned inside him to say he loved me, so when he finally did say it, it meant the world. We started of as a could who saw each other on weekends and talked on the phone since when we met he had already graduated but i was about to be a senior in school. I remember one time he surprised me and came to eat lunch with me, him and jonathan but the security gaurd came and told them they had to come with him lol i was so scared. But it was very sweet of him to come. We dated all through senior year and even went to prom together, but i think that summer was what made us bond and connect seriously, after i graduated in june him and i were inserperable, and im not exagerating at all. I was with him every single day, i couldnt stand to wake up and he wasnt next to me. I never felt such comfort as i did in his arms. In fact he probably doesnt remember but there was a time that summer where we were at the park in my neighborhood and my mom and me were aurguing over the phone, when i hung i was so frustrated i cried and i just remember him holding me, and kissing my cheek, he didnt say anything nor did he have too, just being in his arms calmed me down. I was calmed and he didnt have to say a word. :). I really think that when i say we were inseperable im not beleived so let me give an example some days i would take him to work (Target) and i would go in with him and help him zone his sections, like i said inseperable. We werent all peaches though we had our aurguments, boy did we! I think the top worst one was in the car, we were on the way to his house and in the middle of the aurgument he said "and if ur pregnant i dont even care".....well....i kinda....slapped the shit outta him, after i did he said nothing else until we got to his house, then he said he didnt want to be with or see me anymore, he got out of the car and began to walk down the sidewalk, the thought of not seeing or being with him anymore not only nausieated me but broke every piece of my heart, so i jumped out of my car and ran up to him i begged him not to do it, crying so hard i could barely speak. i followed him all the way upstairs to his room door which was slammed in my face, finally after i walked back to my car right when i reached for the handle something grabbed my elbow, it was him. :) we shared many laughs, many tears, and i shared a gift i could only give one person with him lol and boy did we take advantage of that, like everyday, every hour lol mmhmm! Well your probably wondering if things were so great just what in the world happened?....Well in August Jarvis left for basic training and i stayed here and began college. I wrote him everyday sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. We talked about kids and marriage everything. I was so interested in what he was doing that i went on the Ft. Jackson website and got an overlook of what basic training was like, so i knew what he was doing in each phase of basic. After he graduated he came back here to Fort Lee for A.I.T which is where he got his next orders....for Germany. Which was so funny since my brother (Weasle) was already there. Well before he left he sat down and asked my mom and my uncle Bo what they thought of us getting married and me moving to germany with him, i sat on the stairs and listened as they told him "no, shes not ready for all of that". I sat and listened to that, all along having a feeling that i was pregnant. Dont ask me why i didnt say anything, i took test after test and they said negative but i still had a feeling. I digress, in January 2006 me, Jonathan, and Mama Wallace (Jarvis' mom) took him to the airport, I hugged him and said goodbye...It was like getting punched right in the throat, I hate absolutely hated saying good bye to him. But thats what i did. I cried more tears than humanly possible. I called my best friend screaming crying and she recalls that phone call to this day. After being with someone everyday for a year then having them leave is very pain ful to deal with but if u are in love u just deal with it. And for a while we did. In febuary i found out that maybe i shoulda spoke up because i found out that hey i was prego after all, excitement was an understatement for how we felt. Regretably in March i miscarried and i guess that was too much for us to handle on top of separation. So in April ended. And in a way a piece of me ended too.I was crumbled, I cried, I broke, disolved, disenagrated, cracked, bursted, hurt, every word that had some this to do with pain cannot compare even half way with with whatever it was that i felt. Not even close, no word or emotion can come close. I think there were days where all i did was get up and brush my teeth and get back into bed, it was horrible, so bad that my best friend kida had to come and take every picture of him off my wall just so i would possibly get up. It was like a hole was in me so i looked for love in all the wrong places to fill it nothing worked......nothing even came close. I just wound up hurt again. But everything helped me to learn something different and for that simple reason i am gratefull. But a painful heart break like that.....i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. I dont know when and if i'll find a love like that, I also dont know when or if it will in fact be that same love, that me and Jarvis are in fact destined to be together. The only thing i do what my heart holds, that the love i felt for him from day one is still there just as strong as it was if not stronger. I also know that neither one of us are the same, we have both been through alot of things to make us grow up, and most of all change. I can say honestly i have change my love for him is one of the few things that hasn't, i just wish he would acknowlege and realize that. In fact i still talk to and love his family as if they were mine and he could walk through the door right now and with my family it would be as if he never left, my brother Wease doesn't like many people but guess who he does like...Jarvis, everyone does. I havent seen him in almost a year but everytime i see him i get the same reaction, a Huge lump in my throat and teary eyes it never fails, and the same thoughts come through my head, "there he is, omg", my hear pumps like its gonna come out of my chest, i hug him and exhale. everytime. And every tinme he comes its like that hole thats been in my heart for all these years is temporaily filled. You cant be happy if you have regrets, so i regret nothing to stay happy, but love, true and pure love is a priceless treasure everyone should have, it not only makes u happy it makes u estatic beyond words, trust me when i say.......i speak from personal expirience.......

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Movies Of the Week!!!

Okay so for a while i had "Dear John" in the movie of the week slot and never wrote about it. That was simply because i wanted to wait until i saw the movie to really critique it. Well *drumroll please* bumdadabummmmmm It was EXCELLENT! yall i boooo to the hooed! i went to go see it with my poo Taylor, and from begining to end it had me, it stars the lovely Amanda Seyfreid (mean girls) and the sexy Channing Tatum (Fighting, G.I. Joe) they meet on the beach when Channing Tatum comes home on leave from the army and the love begins to unravel. It send you through soooo many ups and downs. I dont want to reveal too much but lets just say that Taylor said he "refused to cry on the movie" and at they end me and him were trying to confort each other, trust it did not work! lol i cried so hard i had a hand ful of tissues of each eye!. I give it 100 stars! yes!

Soooo TOTALLY moving on to Twilight: New Moon! I bought the movie last week and i am completely hooked! i have seen it like 5 times now, trust me i dont have to explain the story you should ALREADY know! but i was great a wonderful sequel! .........and oh yea in case ur wondering....TEAM EDWARD!!! LOL

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Movie of the Week!

Okay soooooo the movie of the week is The Lake House!!! It's starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves and it came out in 2006. It's basicaly about a lady named Kate who is moving out of her lake house and a guy named Alex who is moving into The Lake House. Well they exchange letters through the mail box but later find out that the mail box is kind of like a communication time machine. It's a great movie with an excellent ending I boo hooed when i first saw it!!!

To Speak or not to Speak???

Hey Blog world! I have a question have you ever been with your boyfriend or girlfriend out in public and some how you come across an old flame??? Or even just a friend of the opposite sex??? Well in your opinion what should you do? I don't know but I was always taught to speak when spoken to or to speak period when i saw someone who knew me or i knew them. Always, thats just how i was taught. But, recently I have kinda realized that theres a different side to speaking to members of the oposite sex when your with your significant other. See this is what happened. I was with my baby :) at walmart :D and we were waiting on my tire to get fixed but the lady with the dirty neck was taking 4 3V3R!!! So me and my baby :) are just waiting, waiting when this guy walks up to me that i use to talk to "O" well the guys says "hey brandy" and rubs my arm i guess kinda like "inapropriately" for my boyfriend to be standing right there. I spoke back because i didnt want to be rude BUT later that night we all went to club Visions and who else did we see but "O", this time he did hug me and my baby's :) face was not so happy, it was kinda like this >:-{ lol but yea so he kinda let it slide but THEN we went to denny's and yall guess who the fack we saw......"O" now trust me i understood his irritation trust me I did but how could it be my fault i wasnt textin the negro to firgure out his every move! I was just tryna chill with my baby :) and my girls :D but we ended up leaving that dennys and going to another dennys alone. I gave u this story because on one hand when ur with your siggie other yes you should put your full focus onto them but how does it make you look as a person if when your alone you speak up and say hi to a person but when your with your boo you act "brand new" and act like you dont know the person??? It's kinda phony to me. *shrugs shoulders*. I mean I would never try to disrespect my boyfriend by speaking to my other male friends but to me i know where my heart is so why not speak to my male friends?? Confusing aint it?

Monday, October 19, 2009

Gimmie Gimmie MORE!! Gimmie Gimmie!!!!

So i saw this cartoon and automatically thought of my current situation. Not to mention its hilarious. Hehe. Now im not trying to compare my past with my present, but in my past relationships i have always been in the position to see my boyfriend sort of when ever i want. Especially when i started driving, but even when i wasnt my boyfriends at least did what ever they could to see me. Welllllllllll thats not so much the case with my relationship now. Don't get me wrong my boo really tries to fit me into his schedule, he comes to see me on his days off, and if he's not sleep or at work then where is he??? With me :). And i appriciate every bit of time he does share with me.....But why am i complaining you ask?......I got a man who works hard, not alot of females can say that shit, and i agree BUT.....He works soooo hard that he gets sooooo sleepy i mean this boy sleeps like a pregnant woman! F*ck a nap he makes sure he gets his 8 full hours of Zzzz's!! And I understand that with the kind of work he does trust me when he gets off he is exhausted, and i really do understand but like i feel like i have to beg him to come see me, and that makes me feel akward (turtle) and neglected. I find myself saying "baby puhleeeese come see me alot" and one time on his day off he turned his phone off and just slept all day! I was pissed >:(. But all that aside no matter how many times I curse him out in my mind lol or no matter how many times i get mad at him, I still smile when someone asks about him, and i still call him my baby, even when im cursin him out in my head! I'll be like "uhg!!! he is pissin me off i swear that boy!! How he not gon come see me, oh but he care about me?! Uhg i can't stand my baby sometimes....:::think about it:::damn!! i mean i cant stand that boy!!!"Then i'll laught to myself and say....Brandy you know thats your baby :). On a up side my sister tells me "Brandy when it comes to Leon, your selfish and you can't see it" I mean he does do alot to make me happy.....He comes to see me at work when i ask him to for the most part, id say 85% out of 100% of the time when i ask him he comes to see me, he even got out of bed to bring me some apple jacks to my job :).....hey...i was hungry! lol. So he's really a sweetheart, i dunno maybe i can be a brat at times, but he loves me and deals with it. And im thankful for that, I dont meeeean to be a brat its just that the times im with him are so good i always want to be around him. And sometimes id like for him to call me and want to see me. Sometimes i dont think he misses me very much, but who knows i could just be in "brat mode" or maybe i shoudl just chill out. But i dont think its too much to ask for someones time. You should never be too busy for the one you "love".......

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Brandy are you blushing?!?!

This cartoon suits whats going on right now with me oh so well. lol. Well i never would have thought in a million gatrillion (yes it's a word) years that i would meet a guy worth 2 cents in the club of all places. And thats just what happened. A few fridays ago i went to Have a Crap day cafe, i really did NOT want to go but my homies were there so i went any way. I drove up there by myself in a hoodie and some sneakers, im already pissed due to previous events so im in a crappy mood when i get in. I walk over to my homies Trice, Nigga Don, CJ, Bernard, and some weird dude that wont with them he was just starin at us cause he had no friends. I say whats up and we starin two steppin to the music, Trice was already feelin right and i think nigga Don was sippin so i was like "Let me go get my signature drink"....I told the homies id be back in a sec and walked over to the bar. I told the Bartender to let me get an "amaretto sour".....this dude took fooooooorrrrreverrrrr so long that finally i was just about to walk off, well good thing i didnt because a cutie walked up and asked did i want a drink. I got my drink...what else?....thats right! amaretto sour and took my sips. The cutie just smiled and walked away. I was like well damn thanks for the drink...he didn't even ask my name. It bothered me, but i started loosenin up with that drink lol. So me and the homies is straight chillin drinking and laughin at lames in the club when i realize "hey self, that cute boy never came backa nd the club closes in 15 minutes" so i tell the homies..."i'll be right back" and i hand the rest of my current drink to Bernard. I walk over to the cutie and say "excuse me, you bought me a drink and didnt even ask to dance with me, let alone my friggin name, whats up with that?" well we exchanged names and ages and hometowns, all the basics, but then he shocked me yall....If ANY other dude had of did this shit i woulda smacked the shit outta his ass but for some reason....i didn't smack him lol i couldn't. He looked at me and grabbed my hoodie :::my thought "what the hell he grabbin me for?"::: He said "I'm not doing this to disrespect you in anyway but i just have to do this" :::my thought "please don't hurt me....this is creeepy"::: Don't ask me why i didn't move but after that he kissed me....and I kissed them lips right fact i think i kissed him walking out of the club, on the side walk walking to the car, by the stop light, we kissed so much that Doni and Bernard had to literally come pull us apart. hehe. Well he chilled with me and the homies that whole night and as much as i digged his personallity and his kisses lol i figured "yea it's just a club thing". But people, I was WRONG oh booooyyyyy was i wrong, since that friday night i have seen the cutie almost everyday but one and that one day he was sick with the cold i gave him :( (sorry babe) He is incredibly sweet, with in 2 weeks he's been more open and honest with me then some guys were with me for months! He only wants to make me happy even though i kinda blow up on him for dumb reasons. I reeeally gotta stop that. But honestly he's like a breath of fresh air to me.I havent been this happy in a while. Today he came to see me at work, and before he came i told my homie Lui "watch out for my babes just in case im not up here when he comes", well another coworker heard me and when a guy walked in she was like "Brandy, is that him?" Lui was like nope when he walks in Brandy will light up like a light bulb. lol. I laughed and said "shut up" but soon as i saw himi proved Lui right, he walked throught the door and i lit up like a christmas tree :) They both said i was blushing i don't think was doing all of that but i was cheesing.....alot :D. What can i say he keeps me smiling and i dont think theres a limit to how much he can make me smile....

Movie of the Week!!!!

Monica: One game, one on one.
Quincy: For what?
Monica: Your heart.

Thats my favorite part from one of my favorite movies. I know yall have been waiting ages for my next couple of the week lol but until i fix a few kinks in that segment im starting something new, Movie of the Week! This weeks movie is Love and Basketball, it came out in 2000. If you don't know what it's about it stars Omar Epps as "Quincy" and Sanaa Lathan as "Monica" they grow up next to each other in los angeles and both want to be basketball players, As the two struggle to reach their goals of playing professionally, they must also deal with their emotions for each other. It's an awesome movie, contains one of my FAVORITE songs and is most definitely a tear jerker!